Reality Check

So last time I posted, it was all “Yay! I’m pregnant!” This time around, let's discuss the reality check I received shortly after becoming impregnated.

Physically, my other pregnancies were pretty mild, a little food aversion and tiredness but nothing terrible. This time around it’s been a true struggle. Around six weeks I started getting food aversion, then the following week I was throwing up even at the sight or thought of food. Crackers made me throw up, water made me throw up, throwing up made me throw up. My poor husband and kids were basically in survival mode because I couldn’t stand to be in the kitchen, let alone prepare meals, and forget the grocery store. One time while grocery shopping, I literally started crying when at the meat counter. The poor guy working thought it was because he packed my 2lbs of ground beef into one package instead of two. But really it was because anytime I was about to throw up I’d start crying, I couldn’t control it, and that made it even more pathetic. I was on Zofran and tried just about every suggestion out there, and while sometimes they could provide some temporary relief, it still wasn’t enough to keep me from feeling absolutely miserable. I basically was a hermit and only left the house to take the kids to and from school and to visit family on holidays. That carried on for about seven weeks, and I now officially weigh less than I did in high school, great diet right?! On top of the morning sickness I was also suffering from migraines, most likely from dehydration and the overall crapiness of my health. Let’s just say it sucked big time. It was so hard to be excited and happy when my body was bringing me down emotionally as well.

All of this has made it hard to function as I normally do and it’s seriously made me feel like a failure to my kids. I spent most of my first trimester in the bathroom or on the couch, and that wasn’t easy. My husband works five overnight shifts a week and three daytime shifts on top of that, so I spend the majority of the time taking care of the kids on my own. That means shuffling them to and from school, breaking up their hair pulling  and "who can yell louder" matches, pretending that I actually got dressed for the day when going out in public, and frantically having everyone clean up 10 minutes before my husband is home or up for the day. Luckily, I’ve been on break from my school for the last five weeks and took December off from photography, so I haven’t been dealing with those stresses as well. But I strive so much to do everything I possibly can for my children and family, and when I can’t do it, it really eats at me. I’ve spent a lot of nights crying because I feel like I haven’t given my all during the day. It was also difficult not being in good spirits around the holidays, my favorite time of year. I definitely wasn’t prepared for how the last 15 weeks have gone, but my head is FINALLY coming out of the fog and I’m slowly getting back to “normal” again. I now also have a month's worth of laundry and cleaning to catch up on, so that's definitely something to look forward to. So cheers to the New Year, the newfound relief, the new baby, and the champagne I will drink for this toast come July!

I'll leave you with a few IG photos from the holidays as well.

No comments: